Affairs of the Gods: How Could These Victims Have Been So Clueless?

There are two ways to approach questions like this:
1) The Events of the Myths Really Happened
2) The Events of the Myths Are Stories/Propaganda/Explanations/Metaphors/etc

If you've been hanging around me or my blog(s) for any length of time, you probably know that the fiction writer in me favors the first approach -- and imagining these characters and trying to discover their motivations and understand the choices they might have made is where a lot of the fun of writing about them comes from. So with this question, it's only natural that I'd start with the more literal perspective. (It's more just more interesting guys!)

The Short Answer:
I suspect that they were less clueless and more just uninformed.

The Long Answer:

The Flight of Europa by Paul Manship
photo by me!

Here's the thing. Today, if some king's daughter were kidnapped by a really pretty bull, the whole world would know about it. Or at least the part of the world that pays attention to that kind of information, anyway. (She'd also be found and returned home, probably, rather than dumped in another country to marry into their royal bloodline, but I digress.) Back in Europa's time? It was probably more of a quiet, regional event. Why should she expect the bull of being a god in disguise, intent on stealing her away, if she'd never heard of Zeus pulling that kind of stunt?* Maybe, possibly, some kind of rumor of Zeus coming down as a shower of gold to... make sweet love? to Danae** might have been making the rounds somewhere in the Peloponnese, but it is REALLY unlikely the story would have made it as far as Phoenicia, where Europa was hanging out with her maiden friends, enjoying the attentions of a particularly tame bull.

Now maybe these two examples are cheating, because both of these women were earlier victims of Zeus' proclivities, but the fact remains that there are no guarantees that any one of the  importuned women who followed would have had extensive knowledge of the god's other exploits. There's a couple of exceptions of course. Alcmene, for example, was the granddaughter of Perseus, so the story of Great-Grandmother Danae could easily have been part of family lore before her run in with Zeus and the subsequent birth of Heracles. But since Zeus took the form of Alcmene's own husband, Amphitryon, there is really no possibly way that forewarning might have helped her avoid his attentions.

It's easy for us to see all these stories laid out neatly and chronologically, with repeated themes of Zeus putting one over on some poor beautiful girl, and wonder why these people couldn't figure it out. But the truth is, those stories weren't assembled into the written word at all until centuries after the fact. If you consider that the Trojan War was basically the end of the Age of Heroes, and all the philandering that entailed, then the majority of these events would have taken place during the Greek Bronze Age -- the Mycenaean and Minoan periods. At the end of which, civilization kind of collapsed and the Greeks not-so-promptly forgot how to write for several hundred years.

Oral history is a lot more limited, regionally, though Homer provides us with evidence that even oral stories could be spread -- if the bard thought the audience would be interested. But if he didn't?

Well. It sure makes me appreciate the bounty of the internet for self-education, that's for sure.


*Europa was mother to Minos, which means she was at least one, maybe two generations before Theseus and Heracles.

**Danae was the mother of Perseus, who was himself the very FIRST of the Greek Heroes. He did not actually ride Pegasus, and the Kraken is a sea monster out of Scandinavia. Just for the record.

---

Available April 1, 2015 
Amazon | B&N | Goodreads

Long before she ran away with Paris to Troy, Helen of Sparta was haunted by nightmares of a burning city under siege. These dreams foretold impending war—a war that only Helen has the power to avert. To do so, she must defy her family and betray her betrothed by fleeing the palace in the dead of night. In need of protection, she finds shelter and comfort in the arms of Theseus, son of Poseidon. With Theseus at her side, she believes she can escape her destiny. But at every turn, new dangers—violence, betrayal, extortion, threat of war—thwart Helen’s plans and bar her path. Still, she refuses to bend to the will of the gods.

A new take on an ancient myth, Helen of Sparta is the story of one woman determined to decide her own fate.

---

* *
Buy Now:
Amazon | Barnes&Noble

The Woman's Place and the Holy Family

Ancient and modern religious ideas regarding the roles of women, and even the roles of humans and what their relationship should be to God, are pretty fascinating when you look at them. There's this idea of subordination, always, that comes with it -- even today.

Of course, it isn't only women who are asked to take a subordinate role in most Christian traditions, but women are certainly expected to take the most subordinate role. Not only should women give themselves up to God, but also, we're often told that we should be subordinate to our husbands -- to our men. Just as Jesus is the head of the church, so should a husband be the head of his household and family, which I guess makes us girls into... a large social organization that requires careful and cautious stewardship?*

But let's talk about that husband/wife dynamic for a minute. Think about Mary, Jesus' mother. Because she was a most holy woman, according to the Bible. A virgin bride, utterly free of sin, engaged to Joseph. And when God chose her, and said "you're going to have my baby and serve me" I don't remember Mary stopping and saying: "Hold up, God, I need to make sure it's cool with my husband-to-be, first, because head of the household and all that, and as a woman, you know, I'm not really capable of making my own informed decisions without a man to hold my hand through it." I'm pretty sure Mary just said "Yes." Because it didn't matter what Joseph wanted, in that moment (and I'm willing to bet if the choice had been left up to him, he would have chosen otherwise for his own sanity), and it wasn't JOSEPH who had been Called, or Joseph's body that was going to serve as God's vessel. God [via his Angel] spoke to Mary, directly. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. And what's more? God didn't just DO IT, because hey, she's just a woman, and hey, GOD. God told Mary what was coming, and Mary gave CONSENT.

And what did Joseph do?
I remember sitting through masses as a kid, where the homily talked about how GOOD a man Joseph was, because he didn't break off his engagement to Mary when he found out she was mysteriously pregnant. Because instead, he took care of her and raised Jesus as his own son. He is held up as an example, an EXCEPTIONAL example of a husband and a father because he keeps his word, and doesn't throw Mary to the wolves. He considers it briefly, of course, but what bothers him isn't that Mary made this decision all by her lonesome, and didn't consider his feelings at all in the moment of truth. It's that she's pregnant. Nothing else, except for that. And once he learns that baby is God's? Pfft. It's all good! We don't get a peep after that about him being angry or taking Mary to task for not letting him in on her decision making process, or letting him make the decision for her, for that matter.**

And I can't help but wonder: if God was so set on this order of things -- a woman's obedience to her husband, and subordination to the man she marries, why didn't he go THROUGH Joseph, or Mary's father, when he made this choice? I mean, okay, maybe no one says no to God. And maybe it wasn't EXACTLY a question. But if Mary had said no and God had gone through with his plan anyway, that would have gone a long, long way against Jesus' messages of love and peace. And over and over again, we see Jesus defending women from injustice, even welcoming them into his fold and teaching them, encouraging them to learn from him. This is not a guy who thinks women should be in the kitchen or that women are, by their natures, meant to be subordinate members of society.

So then, of course, I have to ask --
Why does this idea persist? Today.*** I mean, if Christians are supposed to be using the Holy Family as an example, as THE example, and this is the example they're setting -- why aren't we following it? Why is Joseph's keeping his word and allowing his wife the governance of her own self held up as such an EXCEPTIONAL example, instead of the rule?

It's just a thought.



*If that is how men are looking at women, then I definitely agree they should be treading *very* carefully and cautiously. I am not a church. I am not a building inside which people gather to worship, in the more literal sense, and I am certainly not an organization which requires governance. I am a person with absolute and final authority over my own self, just like you.

**I realize that Joseph and Mary predate Christianity, but since they are THE Holy Family, and you know, held up as examples of how we should all behave... I'm just saying. 

***Rome was its own culture with its own problems and reasons and I'm really not sure we should be beholden to those outdated ideals necessarily, anymore? I mean. Rome was kind of a long time ago. We don't hold to OTHER Roman ideas. Like, I don't know, throwing people into arenas and watching them fight to the death by way of execution. Or keeping slaves. Or even having an emperor at all -- never mind later elevating said emperors to the level of gods. You know what I'm saying.

Affairs of the Gods: Heimdall as Rig

Heimdall chatting up Freyja

Falling loosely under the category of AFFAIRS OF THE GODS, in the Rigsthula, Heimdall masquerades in the guise of Rig, visiting three different families on his journey along the shore, and fathers three sons, one by each family: Thræll, the first of all the thralls; Karl, the ancestor of all the peasants or yeomen; and finally Jarl, who is the ancestor of all kings, as you can imagine, but also the only son Heimdall claims as his own, and the only son Heimdall teaches about the runes.*

Reading the myth put me in mind of the Old Testament and the book of Genesis, where it says:

Lamech took two wives; the name of one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah. Adah bore Jabal; he was the ancestor of those who live in tents and have livestock. His brother’s name was Jubal; he was the ancestor of all those who play the lyre and pipe (4:19-21).**

Of course the Rigsthula is a much less dry accounting of this kind of ancestry-assignment (say what you will about the myths, but the Norsemen know how to tell a story of who begat whom with a lot more zest). Heimdall essentially sweet talks his way into bed with his hosts (married couples in each instance, of better and better means as the story unfolds) and then, not just into bed, but into the middle of the bed, so he has the husband on one side of him and the wife on the other. Heimdall sure didn't lack gumption to impregnate these ladies while they were in bed with their husbands. Of course, he's a god -- and gods have a reputation for letting nothing stand in the way of a little bit of boot-knocking -- but after accepting their hospitality, it does seem a little bit... questionable, on Heimdall's part.

Then again, hospitality wasn't nearly the binding contract among the Norse that it was for the Greeks. We see in the Sagas how often the guise of offering hospitality is used to betray someone utterly. The Volsung family, for example, suffers this kind of deception and betrayal, resulting in the deaths of everyone but Sigmund and Sigyn, who are then left to take revenge upon Sigyn's husband (who invited the entire family to visit and then slaughtered them). However, we also see, by the behavior of the Volsungs, that betraying one's guests is absolutely dishonorable and deviant behavior.*** I'm not certain if that holds true the other way around -- if the guests themselves are bound by some rule in their treatment of the host, I haven't yet come across an example of it (and there is plenty of stuff out there I haven't read, for the record).

All that said, each son finds a wife, and they all are said to have lived happily ever after, making plenty of babies with specialized skill-sets for their particular roles as Thralls, Peasants, or Kings. How much Heimdall had to do with that, I don't know, but I'd LIKE to believe that he at least went so far as ensuring a semi-prosperous future for the other two sons he fathered and abandoned. I find myself wondering if the cuckolded husbands realized who fathered their strapping boys, but how do you miss someone having sex in the bed right next to you?

I think these affairs of Heimdall's give Zeus a run for the money in the BRASH department, personally.

*To me, this looks like Jarl is the only child who is given the TOOLS to rule (it is not possible to overvalue literacy.. or um, magic). He comes from the most well off of the families Heimdall stays with (judging by the food offered to their guest and what the husband is busying himself with in the evening hours), and is described as the most beautiful of the three boys born, too. Basically, Jarl is given every advantage. The American in me is saying "but! BUT! Wouldn't the line of kings be even more impressive if they had come from a situation of adversity from birth, rather than getting the silver-spoon treatment?!" I suppose this is proof positive that not all sons of gods are created equal. Or something.


**I always found this passage interesting, because it comes before the flood, wherein everyone but Noah's family is wiped out, which makes it kind of impossible for Jabal and Jubal to be the ancestors of anyone TODAY, as Noah was a descendant of one of Adam's other sons, and Jubal and Jabal are descended from Cain.


***Sigyn's father refuses to believe her husband would do such a thing, but even if he didn't refuse to believe it, he wouldn't dishonor of his family name himself by turning tail and running, anyway. Such was the importance of honor and reputation, it was better to die fighting -- as we all remember from that post about Hel.

Affairs of the Gods: Hades and Persephone

Hi, Followers-of-Amalia! I’m thrilled to be guest blogging here today. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Diana Paz, longtime friend of the spectacularly talented and adorably wonderful, Amalia. [Note From Amalia: Part One, which discusses Hades and Persephone individually, is over yonder on Diana's blog!]

I’m here today to discuss the topic of my current work-in-progress, the Greek myth most commonly known as The Rape of Persephone. I’m excited to share some of my FINDINGS, and indulge in the glorious research that, in part, makes writing such a joy for me. Onward we go, into the Underworld!

Hades and Persephone: A Match Made in the Underworld

NFA: Hades and Persephone are in the HORSE drawn chariot.
I'd guess that's Dionysus above them with the leopards.

In my mind, there could hardly be a more opposite goddess for the harsh and austere Hades than Persephone, goddess of innocence and springtime. Maybe that’s part of what makes this match so appealing to me. Whoever Hades married would be elevated to the status of queen, and the sheltered Persephone seemed hardly prepared to rule. Her life had been spent doing little more than growing flowers and creating beauty. But maybe that’s all Hades really needed.

So. How did this match come about? There are a few variations explaining how she was whisked off. Sometimes Eros shoots Hades with an arrow when he notices him near Persephone, just for kicks. Sometimes Aphrodite was the mastermind behind this, because Persephone was following in Athena’s and Artemis’ footsteps in becoming another virgin goddess, and Aphrodite wasn’t too pleased about having any more mortals taking vows of chastity. But sometimes Hades is the one who asks Zeus about finding a bride, feeling in need of companionship down in the Underworld. And sometimes it’s Zeus who is depicted as orchestrating the whole affair, because he believes his big brother could use a queen.

Whatever the case, Persephone is usually shown gathering flowers when she wanders away from the protection of the nymphs. She’s often out of earshot, which indicates she’s ventured rather far. Most sources tell of an earthquake, which caused a chasm to open up. Again, whether this happened naturally or because of some kind of planning is unclear, but Hades noticed the chasm, and “left his dark domains to and fro, drawn in his chariot and sable steeds, inspected the foundations of the isle. His survey done, and no point found to fail, he put his fears aside” (Ovid, METAMORPHOSES).  The details of what happened next are arguable, but whether by arrow or design, one thing is certain: the sheltered Persephone’s life would never be the same.

Here’s where my curiosity again takes over. A god like Hades, who is foremost about fulfilling his duties and making sure the rules are obeyed, doesn’t seem like the type who would up and decide to abduct Persephone. He could have courted any goddess, and certainly found someone interested in becoming a queen. So perhaps it was Eros’ arrow after all, and Hades was overcome with ARDOR and kidnapped Persephone after all, but considering what I know about Persephone, what exactly led her to stray so far? There are stories of her curious nature, particularly in opening the golden box sent to her by Aphrodite. Could she have been curious about the chasm that opened up? Most likely it was completely different than anything she’d known. 

In my research, I can’t help noticing that the primary focus is often on Demeter’s distress about losing her daughter, not so much on Persephone’s dismay at being carried off by a king among gods. Little is said about her time in the Underworld, with Demeter’s year-long search taking center stage. Add to this the ambiguity about how, exactly, Persephone ate the pomegranate seeds before leaving the Underworld—was it trickery? After an entire year, Hades tricks her? According to the Homeric Hymns, yes:

…but he secretly put in my mouth sweet food, a pomegranate seed, and forced me to taste against my will. (Third Homeric Hymn).

But, why didn’t he trick her into eating the seeds sooner than this? And trickery seems pointedly out of character for a god who is so adamant about RULES. Not to mention, some sources show Persephone eating the seeds herself, without realizing:

…for the girl had broken her fast and wandering, childlike, through the orchard trees from a low branch had picked a pomegranate and peeled the yellow rind and found the seeds and nibbled seven. (Ovid, METAMORPHOSES, Book 5).

There are versions in which Hades offers her the seeds without trickery, and she takes them, supposedly not knowing what they’ll do (Apollodorus, for example), but… what if Persephone took the seeds of her own free will? Persephone, having spent an entire year in the Underworld without eating the food of the dead, might have known that something would happen if she did. It seems possible that when Hermes came to deliver her to the sunlit world, maybe she did something rash. She might have missed her mother, but she didn’t mind her life as queen, either. The Underworld could have been a kind of freedom for Persephone from her mother’s overprotectiveness. I can’t help but wonder if she hoped to return.

Like most mythology, there is a lot of room for speculation. I feel like I’ve covered the bases, but maybe I’m way off. Is this simply the abduction of an unwilling goddess and nothing more? Was she a woeful victim sent to the Underworld each winter, longing for the light, or did she return the unlikely affection of a god who wanted nothing more than to make her his divine queen?

~ ~ ~

Diana Paz is a web content writer and aspiring author. She was born in Costa Rica, grew up on Miami Beach, moved to Los Angeles in high school, and went to college in San Diego. Basically, she's a beach bum, but she did graduate from California State University, San Marcos with a Bachelor's Degree in Liberal Arts. She loves old movies, epic fantasy, all kinds of music, and heading to the beach with a good book. Preferably sipping a caramel frappuccino. Find her at her blog:dianapazwrites.blogspot.com or on Twitter @dianapazwrites

Food for Thought: Jesus vs Heracles

Because seriously, what if Heracles really WAS some portion of Zeus who just really wanted to spend a few years getting laid without hiding it from Hera? (And it would explain why Hera was SO MEAN to Heracles, too, because she was too smart to be taken in by THAT ruse. Guys. For Real. It could have happened.)

Jesus	Heracles
Son of God	Son of a god
Likes the children	Likes the children
Travels around the Country Making Stuff Happen	Travels around the Country Making Stuff Happen
Helps people	Helps people
Expels Demons	Fights Monsters
Takes after dad: Monkishly asexual	Takes after dad: Got it on w/50 sisters, etc.
Tragic Death (crucifixion)	Tragic Death (burned alive)
Ascends to Heaven, recognized as God	Ascends to Olympus, recognized as a god
Performed miraculous feats (water into wine, etc)	Performed miraculous feats (lifted the whole world, etc)
Attracted followers	Attracted followers
Betrayed to his death by someone he trusted and loved (Judas)	Killed by someone he trusted and loved (maybe by accident) (Deianira)

Okay, so the last one might be a stretch, but you've gotta give me the rest, right? Civil discussion in the comments, including any similarities I missed, or, if you'd rather, poke holes in my Jesus vs. Heracles comparisons! Don't be shy! 

A Norse Picture Book Nightmare

Friends, it has come to my attention that there are very few picture books for children relating to Norse Mythology. The ones that do exist seem to misrepresent Thor as a son of Frigg (GASP!). Now, I know absolutely nothing about what it takes to write a picture book, but guys, how the heck am I going to indoctrinate the children of my acquaintance if I cannot get my hands on a picture book that keeps its facts straight?!

Now, I can't exactly blame these authors for having a little bit of trouble with the whole mess of which woman/giantess/goddess fathered which son of Odin, but it seems to me the easiest solution would be to just not mention the mothers involved at the picture book level. Thor, son of Odin. Period! I mean if I'm going to buy a picture book with misinformed parentage, I might as well go shopping at Marvel for some Super Hero Squad, and then at least it has the excuse of not being The Real Thor.

Baby Heimdal and his Nine Mothers

Friends of the blog, what am I to do? And how would you solve the problem of dubious parentage as the result of affairs in a children's picture book? I'm curious if this is a result of some kind of "we must save the kids from immorality" ideal, but the same series of books had Heimdal as the son of nine women and Odin, so I'm feeling like there are some mixed messages there. Is it okay to be the bastard son of Odin if you are conceived by orgy, but not if you are the result of some common affair with a giantess? Are kids aged 2-5 really paying attention to who was born out of wedlock and who wasn't?

What say you?

Thor: How It Should Have Ended*

Today IS Tuesday, and a Norse day, and I think this kind of qualifies as Norse-ish at least. um. I hope. I am working on a real post for the future, I promise, but in the meantime, enjoy the entertainment!





*I don't actually think this is how the movie should have ended, of course, though I would kill to see Thor, Batman, and Superman sitting around in a diner, drinking coffee and chit-chatting. I kind of love this just as much as I love Thor vs. Green Lantern.

Also, does Thor and Jane Foster counts as an affair of the gods? I am totally labeling it this way. Because this is my blog, and I totally can.

Affairs of the Gods!Norse Edition: Odin Likes the Ladies Too

Keeping with the generally Norse Tuesdays, Classics Fridays theme, I thought it might be appropriate to offer a very special AFFAIRS OF THE GODS: NORSE EDITION today instead!

who can resist this guy?

Now we all know that Odin liked the ladies as much as any Olympian, and we'd definitely be doing the All-Father a disservice if we didn't mention him as one of the more amorous All-Fathers. Odin's by-blows are all over Asgard. In fact, the only son of Odin in the Prose Edda who is explicitly named as the son of Frigg (Odin's wife) is Balder! Thor, Vidar, and Vali are all sons of giantesses, for whom Odin seems to have a soft spot. Hod is called the brother of Balder, but the name of his mother is never mentioned. Hermod is generally thought to be a son of Odin, though the sources are somewhat conflicting about even that much, never mind who mothered him, and Bragi is sometimes a son of Odin and other times a human made into a god later. Basically it seems like anyone who isn't a Vanir-- and even sometimes when they are Vanir-- is somehow related to Odin at some point in time or another. I guess Odin's seed is just that potent that anyone with an ounce of Awesome must have spawned from his loins!

But Odin doesn't limit himself to giantesses and Aesir goddesses for affairs and all of his supposed children don't make it into the exclusive list of the 12 14 Aesir, either. The Volsung family tree descends directly from Odin according to the Saga of the same name, though it skips neatly over the details, and of course there are other kings, here and there with the same claim.

Odin sold his body for Poetry

But the differences between Odin, King of the Aesir, and Zeus, King of the Olympians, are these: when Odin carries on an affair, Frigg doesn't get in line to torment them. EVEN after her own son is murdered. (Of course, Frigg didn't really have to get in line to torment Hod after Balder's death, because Odin was way ahead of her on that one, supposedly siring Vali for the sole purpose of murdering Hod in revenge.) Odin does not seem to bother with thinking up new and ever-more-devious disguises to hide his affairs, either. Nor do we find an extensive account of exactly how Odin seduced/raped the giantesses/goddess/lady in question. Sometimes there's some passing mention of the affair itself-- like Gunnlod, with whom Odin traded some All-Father lovin' in exchange for the mead of poetry-- without getting into what exactly that entailed, but mostly we get a generic "it was said that he was a son of Odin" or even less interesting, Snorri just throws it into one of the kennings for that particular person as some back-of-the-book afterthought. Putting names to the mothers of his sons is incredibly difficult across the board, outside of the big three (Thor, Balder, and Vali). All we hear about are the sons, and how they went about their lives, conquered, failed to conquer, or died. It's like nobody cares about how these kids were conceived, or even who by, only that they lived.

I'm not sure what this says about women in the world of Norse Myths, or if it is something on which we can base any commentary at all. In any event, for those of you who were hoping for some lurid details of Odin's seduction: Sorry to disappoint but I just can't provide it! If you want, we can blame Snorri. That dude's a jerk.

Affairs of the Gods: Aphrodite and Adonis

Aphrodite/Venus and Adonis

You can't really expect a goddess of love to stay loyal to her husband, whether or not her husband is a crippled Hephaestus or some perfect specimen of manliness. Aphrodite has a history of affairs, and poor Hephaestus probably didn't have any chance of stopping her (not that he didn't engage in his own um, adventures, but Aphrodite seems to have him outnumbered by quite a lot.)

Adonis is one of the many men who captured Aphrodite's attention and affection. Adonis is, of course, the son of Myrrha/Smyrna by her father, who, discovering it was his daughter coming to him in the night as a lover, would have killed her if she hadn't fled. Ovid tells us (in the Metamorphoses book X) that Myrrha begged the gods to transform her, and she was turned into a tree, from which Adonis was birthed later and described as:

The lovely babe was born with ev'ry grace,
Ev'n envy must have prais'd so fair a face: 

and then later:

A babe, a boy, a beauteous youth appears, 

And lovelier than himself at riper years. 

Now to the queen of love he gave desires, 

And, with her pains, reveng'd his mother's fires. 

The queen of love obviously meaning Aphrodite/Venus, who is described thusly, after falling in love with Adonis:

Ev'n Heav'n itself with all its sweets unsought,
Adonis far a sweeter Heav'n is thought.
On him she hangs, and fonds with ev'ry art,
And never, never knows from him to part. 

 And for a change, we get a romantic, even tender, view of the love between these two, when Ovid goes on to describe one of their particular moments together. Maybe because Aphrodite is a woman, and so it isn't all about the sex, though there is certainly the impression of desire, but this is a far cry from the down and dirty they-got-it-on that we usually get with Zeus and Poseidon:

We may secure delightfully repose.
With her Adonis here be Venus blest;
And swift at once the grass and him she prest.
Then sweetly smiling, with a raptur'd mind,
On his lov'd bosom she her head reclin'd,
And thus began; but mindful still of bliss,
Seal'd the soft accents with a softer kiss. 

Of course, Adonis manages to get himself gored to death in spite of the fact that Aphrodite warns him EXPLICITLY to be careful of boars and other beasts while hunting. (Apollodorus says Artemis had him killed out of anger, but not what in particular infuriated her about him. Probably something to do with how he hunted, considering the rest of the story.) In any event, Adonis was doomed, and Aphrodite was heartbroken.

I imagine however that Adonis didn't have it all that bad in the Underworld since Persephone was in love with him, too. Poor, poor boy, how he suffers!

Affairs of the Gods: Zeus and Europa

Europa on the back of her Bull

Europa was the daughter of King Agenor* of Tyre, in Phoenicia who happened to catch Zeus's eye one day while frolicking around on the shore with her father's herd of cattle and some friends. Zeus, determined to have her for his own, turned himself into a beautiful and gentle white bull among the herd in order to get close to her. Europa, evidently finding nothing strange about a bull so tame she could weave flowers around its horns, was taken in by the ruse.

Really, Europa? Nothing odd at all about an alarmingly beautiful and perfect bull wanting to be petted and fondled? I mean. Normally I am not all about blaming the woman but... c'mon, now! I'm not sure I can buy the fact that she really had no idea what she was doing, no matter what Ovid says--it sounds kind of like, well, bull-honky.

Apollodorus tells us:

Zeus loved her, and turning himself into a tame bull, he mounted her on his back and conveyed her through the sea to Crete. There Zeus bedded with her, and she bore Minos, Sarpedon, and Rhadamanthys;

And Ovid goes into greater detail in The Metamorphoses (book 2):

And, now perceiving all her fears decay'd,
Comes tossing forward to the royal maid;
Gives her his breast to stroke, and downward turns
His grizly brow, and gently stoops his horns.
In flow'ry wreaths the royal virgin drest
His bending horns, and kindly clapt his breast.
'Till now grown wanton and devoid of fear,
Not knowing that she prest the Thunderer,
She plac'd her self upon his back, and rode
O'er fields and meadows, seated on the God. 

He gently march'd along, and by degrees
Left the dry meadow, and approach'd the seas;
Where now he dips his hoofs and wets his thighs,
Now plunges in, and carries off the prize. 

Now, Europa did get on the bull's back of her own accord, but she clearly hadn't anticipated being whisked away to parts unknown. Fortunately for her, Hera didn't seem to notice any of this mess, and after Zeus, ahem, revealed himself and left her on Crete, she ended up marrying one of the Cretan princes who didn't care that she'd been knocked up by Zeus first, and her son Minos became King of Crete afterward.

Minos, son of Zeus, really isn't much of a demigod. Certainly he was no hero, and he had some pretty bad luck when he came to power, all stemming from the moment he broke his promise and didn't give Poseidon his bull back in sacrifice, after the god helped him to claim the kingship of Crete. Minos' wife was cursed to fall in love with that bull, which resulted in the birth of the Minotaur (the Minotaur was actually named Asterion, if you were wondering). Then, on top of that, Minos' son was killed in Athens over some silly jealousy issue, and of course we all know what happened after Athens started sending youths to Minos in payment for that crime. Theseus. Minotaur. Fall of Crete. Etc.

So what if Europa and her friends had seen the signs and realized that the bull was Zeus before she climbed on its back? Well. Somehow I don't think it would have stopped Zeus from having his way. Honestly, Europa really lucked out. If you have to get kidnapped and raped by a god, ending up royalty in another kingdom is definitely not the worst that could happen as a result.

The Moral of this Story: Don't accept rides from bulls you don't know! Especially when they're acting all weird. It is no doubt a god in disguise, and you can't count on Hera not noticing that trick a SECOND time. (She's got a nose for cheating husbands.)

*Sometimes Europa is the daughter of someone else-- Apollodorus says Phoenix. It doesn't really matter that much, one way or another, for the outcome.

Affairs of the Gods: Poseidon and Aethra

This one is kind of tricky. Primary sources which state outright that Aethra and Poseidon had a bit of an affair are hard to come by, but Theseus is fairly well known as a son of Poseidon as well as Aegeus, so SOMEONE must have spread it around at some point. I expect the issue is that Theseus got pretty overlooked in later ages, in favor of Heracles, who became Hercules, so the stories didn't get preserved as effectively. Our biggest sources for Theseus (and as a result, also his mother, Aethra) are really Plutarch and Apollodorus, with a close second for Hyginus.

Poseidon/Neptune with a Pigeon Hat

Aethra was the daughter of Pittheus, who was the King of Troezan, and pretty well known as a wise and fair dude, which explains why Aegeus (King of Athens) would stop to chat with him on his way home, thereby being put to bed with Aethra which resulted in the dual-paternity Theseus when Poseidon also came calling that same night. (Though my textbook on mythology suggests that Aegeus himself simply WAS a form of the god Poseidon--I'm not sure how I feel about that kind of a statement.)

Plutarch being Plutarch of course discounts Theseus' immortal heritage, explaining it this way:

Aethra for some time concealed the true parentage of Theseus, and a report was given out by Pittheus that he was begotten by Neptune; for the Troezenians pay Neptune the highest veneration. He is their tutelar god; to him they offer all their first-fruits, and in his honour stamp their money with a trident. 

And as for Aethra's experience and Theseus's conception, he attributes it all to Aegeus:

Pittheus, therefore, taking advantage from the obscurity of the oracle, prevailed upon him [Aegeus], it is uncertain whether by persuasion or deceit, to lie with his daughter Aethra. 

The oracle in question is quoted by Plutarch as saying:

"Loose not the wine-skin foot, thou chief of men, 

Until to Athens thou art come again." 

Which seems to be most commonly interpreted as "don't get drunk until you get home" and if that's the case, Pittheus got Aegeus wasted, then put him to bed with Aethra on the sly. I can't imagine that if he was that drunk it would have been the most pleasant time ever for Aethra, in that case.

But Apollodorus pretty much ignores Aethra's, uh, time? with Aegeus altogether with just a line saying Theseus was born between them. So I turned to Hyginus' Fabulae which says:

Neptune and Aegeus, son of Pandion, one night in the shrine of Minerva both lay with Aethra, daughter of Pittheus. Neptune conceded the child to Aegeus. 

(Does it seem to anyone else that Athena gets a lot of people getting it on in her business?)

In any event, Aethra does not get the romanced version, with the love-shack beneath the shelter of a wave, nor is there any mention of her preferences in the myths. Her sole purpose is simply to mother Theseus and see that he is sent to Aegeus at the appropriate time. C'mon, Poseidon! You can do better than that! Where's the seduction?! Where's the disguising yourself as whoever Aethra might have been in love with to trick her into getting it on? Where's the CREATIVITY!

Poorly Done, Poseidon. 1 out of 5 stars for total LAMENESS of courtship.

So what do you think-- Does this qualify as an affair of the gods or not? Are you in the Plutarch rumor camp, or the Hyginus Aethra-had-a-busy-night party?

Affairs of the Gods: Poseidon and Tyro

As Valerie pointed out in her fabulous guest post last week, Zeus wasn't the only god who got it on wherever and with whomever he wished. Poseidon had his fair share of indiscretions-- one of which included Tyro.

Poseidon and his Mighty Beard

Tyro was in love with a river god, maybe to the point of obsession. But Poseidon, not unlike Zeus, had no qualms about shape-shifting if it meant he got his way. So what did he do? According to Apollodorus (1.9.8):

Now Tyro, daughter of Salmoneus and Alcidice, was brought up by Cretheus, brother of Salmoneus, and conceived a passion for the river Enipeus, and often would she hie to its running waters and utter her plaint to them. But Poseidon in the likeness of Enipeus lay with her, and she secretly gave birth to twin sons, whom she exposed.

But Homer gave us a much kinder, even romantic, account of Poseidon's affair with Tyro in the Odyssey (Sometimes I'm almost persuaded that Poseidon wasn't half bad, as far as Greek gods go. uhm. kind of.):

She [Tyro] fell in love with the river Enipeus who is much the most beautiful river in the whole world. Once when she was taking a walk by his side as usual, Neptune, disguised as her lover, lay with her at the mouth of the river, and a huge blue wave arched itself like a mountain over them to hide both woman and god, whereon he loosed her virgin girdle and laid her in a deep slumber. When the god had accomplished the deed of love, he took her hand in his own and said, 'Tyro, rejoice in all good will; the embraces of the gods are not fruitless, and you will have fine twins about this time twelve months. Take great care of them. I am Neptune, so now go home, but hold your tongue and do not tell any one.'

The problem with all of this, of course, is that it's still incredibly deceitful. But I suppose if she thought she was making love with the River (or did he put her to sleep and then make love to her?) then at least she must have rejoiced in her unrequited love being fulfilled at last... Maybe.

I've got to admit that I do love the image of the giant blue wave arching itself over the two of them as a little love shack. And as seductions and rapes go, this one isn't SO terrible, aside from the usual deadbeat dad behavior after the fact, and the whole pretending to be someone else to get in her pant--er, skirt charade. And, wonder of wonders, aside from being knocked up, Tyro didn't get smote by any other gods or goddesses for the trouble Poseidon brought her! (In this instance, I think Tyro won the lottery--Poseidon's consort/wife Amphitrite did not seem NEARLY as interested in taking revenge on the women he seduced.)

Tyro went on to marry Cretheus and have other children, most notably Aeson who fathered Jason (we'll come back to this in a moment).

The twins she bore Poseidon were Pelias and Neleus, and as you might imagine, they survived their exposure to grow up and cause trouble in the usual heroic style. Learning their true heritage and killing some people while earning the enmity of the gods. Pelias in particular seemed to get on Hera's bad side, which as you might have gathered by now isn't typically the BEST idea.

According to Apollodorus, Neleus founded Pylos, and was the father of Nestor, a hero/wise-old-king from the Iliad. At the opposite end of Greece, Pelias wound up in Thessaly where he became King of Iolcus and eventually sent Jason (his half-brother's son--does that make him a half-nephew of Pelias?) on his famous quest for the Golden Fleece with the Argonauts.

Like I said. Trouble in the usual heroic style.

And just because I think it's interesting-- Aeson married the daughter of Autolycus (himself a son of Hermes, and known for his skills as a thief*), Polymede. And Autolycus's other daughter, Anticlea married Laertes, and fathered Odysseus, THEREBY making Jason and Odysseus first cousins.

Now you know!

*Yes. Yes, Autolycus, who was played by Bruce Campbell when KEVIN SORBO WAS Hercules.

Affairs of the Gods: No Sex in Athena's Room!

(As a special treat today, I offer you a most excellent guest post, written by the fabulous Valerie of As The Moon Climbs! You can check out her poetry and flash fiction on her blog, and I trust that you are all already following her on twitter? RIGHT? If not, after this post you will be persuaded, I'm sure.)


It's easy to talk about the many, many, MANY times that Zeus fooled around and got some poor girl in trouble--forget a little black book, the guy needed a whole set of encyclopedia-sized tomes to keep track. But by no means was he the only god sowing his wild ambrosia whenever, however, and--unfortunately--wherever he darn well pleased.

Poseidon's Backside

While not as, ahem, prolific in his conquests as his brother, Poseidon did his fair share of getting around. Most famously, he fathered Polyphemus, the Cyclops that Odysseus blinded, and who called on his dad for revenge and basically caused the rest of the Odyssey to play out as it did. Whoops! Moral of the story: don't mess with the dude whose dad controls 2/3 of the planet.

But a tale from Ovid's Metamorphoses gives a twist to another story by explaining how it all began, namely the tale of Medusa and her sibilant snaky locks. You probably know about how Perseus borrowed a shiny shield, snuck into her cave and tricked her into turning herself into stone by looking at her own reflection. But where did she get that snake hair in the first place? Let's go to the source:

"Medusa once had charms; to gain her love 

 A rival crowd of envious lovers strove. 

They, who have seen her, own, they ne'er did trace 

More moving features in a sweeter face. 

Yet above all, her length of hair, they own, 

In golden ringlets wav'd, and graceful shone."

So she was totally smokin' hot at one point, with the kind of hair that most people can't get with a closet full of beauty products. No snakes in sight. What happened?

"Her Neptune saw, and with such beauties fir'd, 

Resolv'd to compass, what his soul desir'd."

Oh, Poseidon, you sly dog. But just gettin' your freak on with a lady usually wasn't enough to get her punished, right?

"In chaste Minerva's fane, he, lustful, stay'd, 

And seiz'd, and rifled the young, blushing maid."

Ah, there it is, in 17th century Olde Timey Speak: they did the dirty deed in Athena's temple. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want my uncle putting the moves on someone in my room, either. And Medusa was supposedly a priestess of Athena at the time, which of course only made the problem worse, what with the whole mandatory virginity clause. So what did Athena do?

"The bashful Goddess turn'd her eyes away, 

Nor durst such bold impurity survey; 

But on the ravish'd virgin vengeance takes, 

Her shining hair is chang'd to hissing snakes. 

These in her Aegis Pallas joys to bear, 

The hissing snakes her foes more sure ensnare, 

Than they did lovers once, when shining hair. "

And there you have it. Because Poseidon couldn't keep his trouser snake in his, er--well, he probably wasn't wearing anything because he was god of the OCEAN, but you get the point--poor Medusa ended up with snakes on her head. She then experienced what is arguably the longest pregnancy ever because it wasn't until Perseus cut off her head that two kids jumped out, one of which was the fabled Pegasus.

On the plus side, she got to grace Athena's shield as a really creepy emblem. The downside: obstacle course of statues whenever she had to leave her cave to potty.

Meanwhile, Poseidon was off catching some gnarly waves en route to his next conquest. He may or may not have high-fived a few dolphins along the way, but Ovid is suspiciously silent on the subject so we'll just have to imagine it.

Affairs of the Gods: Zeus and Callisto

Thanks to Valerie for reminding me of this particular myth!

Pretty commonly, when Zeus wanted to get it on with a lady forbidden to him (either by his marriage to Hera, or parental control, or virginal vows), Zeus took the form of something else to disguise himself. Sometimes this disguise was for the benefit of those who might be watching for his next infidelity, but sometimes it was to deceive the woman he wanted, grant her a false sense of security, and then do the deed once she was in his power.

One such instance was the rape of Callisto. But this time, Zeus pulled a different trick. He didn't take the shape of an animal, or come to her as her husband. Callisto was a sworn virgin, a nymph of Artemis. So what did Zeus do?

Seriously followers and friends, this is by far the most underhanded of Zeus's tricks in my opinion, and I find myself slightly outraged by even reading about it. Zeus took the form of Artemis herself in order to get close to Callisto, and then when he had her in his grasp, he took her virginity and impregnated her. A sworn virgin and devotee of a virgin goddess!

Oofda. I'm not even sure I can find a way to swing that into something less than terrible! Holy Buckets, Zeus!

Apollodorus (3.8.2) presents the story this way:

Now Zeus loved her and, having assumed the likeness, as some say, of Artemis, or, as others say, of Apollo, he shared her bed against her will, and wishing to escape the notice of Hera, he turned her into a bear. But Hera persuaded Artemis to shoot her down as a wild beast. Some say, however, that Artemis shot her down because she did not keep her maidenhood. When Callisto perished, Zeus [...] turned [her] into a star and called it the Bear.

I'll say this-- if he approached her as Apollo, it's slightly less offensive. But notice here that nobody has minced words about the nature of Zeus' conquest. This affair was most definitely rape.

Bad form, man. Bad form.

The real tragedy of this whole situation is the fact that Callisto was the one who suffered for it, ultimately paying with her life. And this is also pretty typical of these kinds of affairs. Zeus sweeps in, has his way, and leaves the woman to deal with the consequences on her own. When Hera decides to go for blood, Zeus rarely prevents it, and why is Hera going after these women anyway, when it's Zeus who is the instigator?

What the behavior of the gods says about the treatment of rape in ye olden days and the culture of the Greeks is pretty awful. Granted, these were the gods, and as such their morality was-- well-- they weren't expected to behave in a civilized manner, it seems. Yet, in other instances we see the gods punishing men for cannibalism (Zeus, even), or smiting men for the murder of immediate family members. One moment, they are so reasonable in their behavior and expectation, their morality, and in the next...

In the next, Hera and Artemis are killing a young woman for the bad luck of capturing the carnal attention of Zeus, and suffering his imposition without consent.

I have to remind myself that we can not hold the divine to human standards, but I always kind of expect/hope that it's because the divine are something better and greater. In this case, Zeus and the Olympians prove me wrong.

Affairs of the Gods: Zeus and Leda

Google Image Search Leda and the Swan at your own risk.

To say that Zeus has a reputation for raping and seducing women would be an incredible understatement. You really can't turn around without hearing about some woman Zeus* made off with/made love to/brutally raped in the guise of some animal or other in Greek mythology, and Leda is really no exception.

The story is that Leda (perhaps laying by a stream) was hanging out when Zeus came to her in the guise of a swan (possibly fleeing from an eagle who may or may not have been Aphrodite, or else perhaps chasing after a goose-who-was-Nemesis), and when Leda took him into her arms, he ah-- took advantage of her. From there, Zeus took off, as is his usual MO, and she went home to her husband Tyndareus, King of Sparta**, and, uhm, engaged with him, too.

Apollodorus (3.10.7) tells us:

But Zeus in the form of a swan consorted with Leda, and on the same night Tyndareus cohabited with her; and she bore Pollux and Helen to Zeus, and Castor and Clytaemnestra to Tyndareus.***

Consorted.

Raped.

Seduced.

Really, it's hard to say what kind of relationship Leda had with Zeus-the-swan. Obviously to catch the eye of Zeus, Leda must have been some kind of beautiful. But I don't know that being beautiful does anyone any favors when it comes to the gods.

Isocrates offers this opinion on Zeus's relations with Leda (and other women):

[...] and in the guise of a swan he took refuge in the bosom of Nemesis, and again in this form he espoused Leda; ever with artifice manifestly, and not with violence, does he pursue beauty in women.

It just sounds a little bit idealized to me, is all. Zeus never struck me as a very considerate lover. He is after all a god, and I'm sure felt he was well within his rights to take whatever he wanted from whoever he wanted, and if that meant making a--ah--deposit in someone else's wife or daughter, I'm not really convinced he was interested in doing said woman any favors in the process. And he wouldn't really have had the time, anyway, with Hera sniffing around, ready to punish him, the poor woman, or both.

Ovid gives us a few lines, capturing a very romantic view of Leda's experience as well:

Arachne drew the fam'd intrigues of Jove, 

[...]

And shew'd how Leda lay supinely press'd, 

Whilst the soft snowy swan sate hov'ring o'er her breast, 

What's really fascinating about the mythology of Leda and the Swan, is how obsessed with it artists seemed to become in much, much later history! We have a TON of imagery reflecting the myth. Why is it so interesting? What makes it so captivating a subject? I'm not sure I have any kind of answer to those questions, still. Certainly I don't find Leda anywhere near as interesting a character as Helen or Pollux or even Tyndareus. But I do wonder if being a reputed beauty herself--beautiful enough to catch the attention of Zeus!-- Leda bore a certain amount of jealousy toward Helen.

So why do you think Leda and the Swan captured the imagination of artists?

(I've talked a little bit about the mythology of Leda and Zeus in the past, concerning the births of Pollux and Helen in my novel.)

*To be fair, the same could really be said of Apollo. Holy Buckets.
**and interestingly enough, though Sparta was afterwards inherited through it's women, it seems like Leda married into the Queenship of Sparta, going off of Apollodorus (3.10.5).
***The Greeks were all about giving people two fathers.