Braving Fate: A Fate of the Gods Novella and a COST OF LIVING/Patreon update!

Yes, yes I did write another Fate of the Gods novella, and it's releasing as a serial on Patreon beginning THIS WEEK!

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BRAVING FATE takes place during the contemporary timeline of FORGED BY FATE--in fact, it's the events of that portion of the book from Thor's perspective!

 

Thor is Oathbound to protect the House of Lions as well as to keep Adam and Eve apart. When Adam finds the House of Lions at the very same moment Eve has returned to them, engaged to be married to its heir, Garrit DeLeon, Thor has no choice but to involve himself far more closely in her life than he'd prefer--as much as he loves her and desires her happiness, he never wished to endure a front-row seat to her marriage to another man. Particularly when he finds the man in question so unworthy of her.

 

Unlike WIELDING FATE, this novella is not nearly as spoileriffic for the entire rest of the series, and it's complete as is, so eventually I'll be releasing it wide--but it's been pushed back to 2025 at the earliest because, if you did not read my newsletter and already learn the news:

I'm taking a SABBATICAL from PUBLISHING!

This is not a sabbatical from writing. I'm just not going to be doing production and publishing work. I hate it and I am tired and I have 40+ individual titles in my backlist across three pen names now, and I just want to opt out of the content mill grind for a little bit, so I'm going to take some time to enjoy writing just for myself, rather than inside this "content creator" ecosystem we've built.

Which is all to say that everything that is currently Patreon Exclusive will be REMAINING Patreon exclusive that much longer! So if you want to read it, that's where you'll find it!

THIS INCLUDES:

• WIELDING FATE: Part One, A Fate of the Gods Novella (The beginning of Ra and Athena's book which was staying Patreon Exclusive for the foreseeable future anyway.)
  
  
• KING OF THE LAPITHS: A Helen of Sparta Side Story (Pirithous and Polypoetes's short story which takes place during the events of Helen of Sparta--I never made up my mind about releasing this wide but that can is getting kicked way down the road now!)
  
  
• BRAVING FATE: A Fate of the Gods Novella (which will wrap up in December as a serial for $1 and $2 patrons. Patrons at the $5 level will get a downloadable epub of the full novella mid-November!)
  
  
• OF GODS AND JOTUNS: A Collection of Short Stories (the paperback is available wide, but the ebook collection is Patron only, and I intend for it to stay that way, for everyone at the $5 and up level!)
  
  
• COST OF LIVING (my Ur-Novel, which is getting an extremely limited special edition physical release but otherwise will remain Patreon exclusive--but the serialized edition is coming down at the end of the year, and will be replaced by a downloadable epub edition of the full novel, available only to patrons at the $5 level or above. This epub will REMAIN patreon exclusive basically forever!)

 

THERE ARE EIGHT SIGNED AND NUMBERED LIMITED EDITION HARDCOVERS OF COST OF LIVING UP FOR GRABS FOR ANYONE WHO PATRONS UP AT THE $25 TIER EITHER IN OCTOBER AND NOVEMBER OR NOVEMBER AND DECEMBER! See this patreon post for more info!

 

Phew, okay. That's a lot of information. And let me drop a quick reminder that you can listen to the whole of A BROKEN HORSE, my Trojan War retelling PODCAST on Patreon right now, too! 

 

So there are plenty of reasons to Patron Up before the year ends! GO FORTH, FRIENDS!

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The Gods Make Their Own Rules: A Pagan Twitter Thread from 2020

I've been going through and curating my twitter archive over the last few months, wanting to reduce my public digital footprint, but this is a thread that I feel like could use a better platform. On Twitter, I've talked A LOT about my paganlife and my relationship to Thor. "Come for Thor, Stay for More!" has been a defining element of my brand for a while. Some of those threads really should have been blogposts from the start, probably, and I'll be moving a couple over here for reference now that I've dug them out again!

--

I have been spending a lot of time thinking and praying and engaging spiritually about my relationship to Thor and the genesis of it and I want to share a truth that I think gets drowned out by Heathens/Norse Pagans and the emphasis on Ancestor Worship.

What matters is this:
Are you having a spiritual experience/resonance/engagement with these gods?

If the answer is YES, then EVERYTHING ELSE is secondary. It does not matter who your ancestors are or where your family came from.

One thing has become REALLY clear to me in the last few months:
My relationship with Thor predates my awareness of him. My engagement with Thor predates my awareness of him.

I don't know how it gets decided, who ends up in which god's "house" (so to speak), but I was ALWAYS his.

It was always and ONLY just a question of me waking up to that realization--that he was there (and I'm coming to a realization, more recently now, that he was ALWAYS there, in shapes and forms that protected me from crisis before I had the vocabulary/context to understand.)

That ANY god is speaking to you on ANY level is the critical heart of the matter.

EVERYTHING ELSE is window dressing and entirely subjective and could very well be completely meaningless to your personal spiritual journey.

Maybe it is fate or maybe it is choice--maybe it is just some kind of inevitable ineffable universal mathematical equation, I don't know. But. It seems to me the gods make their own rules, and our job is just to choose if we want to say yes or no when they make themselves known.

This is not to say that community does not matter or play an important role in parsing our experiences of the divine, because of course it does--your community in the NOW matters. The people you choose to surround yourself with matter.

My Catholic Italian-American ancestors? They're still a part of my spiritual life. But who they are plays no part at all in defining my relationship to the divine--that's between me and Thor, between me and my gods.

I'm not saying this because I think it is an ABSOLUTE for any other community to accept--I'm saying it because it is MY truth, and if it is my truth, it is POSSIBLE it could also be someone else's, but they felt like it couldn't be because there's so much emphasis on "ancestors."

If you needed someone to give you permission to embrace whatever experience you're having with Thor or Freyja or whoever, REGARDLESS of where you were born and what your family culture might be historically, then this is it. Right now.

I'm giving it to you.

--

Disclaimer: I do not believe this gives anyone a right to speak over indigenous voices or to impose their interpretation of their spiritual experience with any divinity over any existing culture's truth.

What is true for one person is not necessarily true for ALL people.

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Further Reflections on the Hárbarðsljóð

TW: sexual assault/rape

Last night, the Hárbarðsljóð kept me up. I don't think about the poem all that often, other than as a reference to the fact that Thor has a hall for the peasants and thralls who die, as another marker of how he stands for the weak and the forgotten, for the every man rather than the kings and men of power.

But last night, after Dr. Ford's testimony and the Kavanaugh defense, a piece of the poem came vividly into focus--and suddenly it wasn't so funny anymore. It wasn't something I could dismiss or ignore or push aside any longer.

These particular lines:

Harbarth spake:
30. "Eastward I was, | and spake with a certain one,
I played with the linen-white maid, | and met her by stealth;
I gladdened the gold-decked one, | and she granted me joy."
Thor spake:
31. "Full fair was thy woman-finding."
Harbarth spake:
32. "Thy help did I need then, Thor, | to hold the white maid fast."
Thor spake:
33. "Gladly, had I been there, | my help to thee had been given."

These lines sound very much like two men boasting and congratulating one another on their conquests, and not only that--it sounds very much like Thor is talking about gladly helping Odin hold a woman down while he rapes her.

Suddenly, I wasn't sure if I could trust Thor.

Those of you who have been following the blog for forever know that Thor is pretty much my patron god. I'm Heathen and my faith in Thor has gotten me through a LOT over the years. Even before I recognized who he was, he was beside me, lending me strength to face my greatest struggles and my hardest moments. Thor is... one of the two most important things in my life. Half of a binary sun around which my life orbits. Questioning that faith, that trust, is not a small thing for me. Not at all.

I can take you through any number of mental gymnastics, a handful of theories that excuse Thor's general behavior in this poem on the whole--that the poem, a flytting poem, is basically meant to be a hit job on his character, to show him as useless and worthless, to undermine the faith of his followers in a time when Christianity was pushing hard against pagan faith traditions. Or point out the fact that the lore and the myths are not divinely inspired gospel, but written by men, copied and recopied imperfectly much later, and in this particular case, was probably preserved BECAUSE it takes shots at Thor.

I can tell myself, and you, that this does not in any way align with the Thor I have come to know--that it is at complete odds with the god who stands beside me, and I can remind myself that I have always believed that both the gods change with us, AND as we change, our understanding of the gods changes too. This poem might well just be a reflection of the culture of the time and nothing more, an attempt to see mankind in the divine, and as we have grown, we are more able to see PAST our own reflections to the deeper truth of their character and their presence.

But it doesn't take away these verses. Or the others, where Thor shows an overeager interest in Odin/Harbarth's sexual conquests. It doesn't make it hurt less to read these words as they spill from the lips of the god I love.

It doesn't make it any easier to realize that in a thousand years, nothing has changed. Because a thousand years ago, men were still boasting of their conquests, laughing together about the pleasure they took at the expense of some woman along the way.

I don't know what any of this means. How to reconcile it, really or fully, with my experience of Thor and my faith. I expect I'm going to be wrestling with that for some time. But I'm not going to pretend that the suggestion of sexual violence isn't there. Not in the past--not when it is something we are still fighting against so desperately in the present.

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FACETS OF FATE Cover Art!

If you're a newsletter subscriber you got to see this already, but for those of you who haven't subscribed yet (*eyebrow waggle*) -- how about some cover art?!

Cover art designed by Eileen Wiedbrauk -- who has done ALL my Fate of the Gods covers from day one!

A few more details to share on FACETS OF FATE:

1) This book will release FIRST in paperback. Not because I want to trick anyone (the ebook release will follow shortly thereafter) but the timetable on MY end is tight with another project that I have to finish first, and I want my formatter to have the time she needs to get the ebook properly pretty, so no one gets something that looks like gobbledegook. Also my personal impetus for releasing this collection is so readers can finally have TEMPTING FATE in print -- something I've been asked about repeatedly since Mia's novella released, so that's what I've been most focused on achieving first thing!

2) If you skipped the Secondary Character series because spoilers -- the *all new* story, titled FINDING FATE will focus on Marcus! For some of you, I know, he is NOT your favorite but I think he deserves a shot at redemption! (Also he really grew on me in draft two and I kind of love the guy!) So if you haven't read BEYOND FATE yet -- you'll want to do it now, to prep before you read Marcus's epilogue!

3) FACETS OF FATE is coming to you in JULY!

4) The other stories included in the Facets of Fate collection:

• Tempting Fate (Mia and Adam's story)
• Bride Price (Previously available only online at Birdville Magazine, and newly revised -- for its BM publication, I removed some of the more specifically Fate of the Gods elements, and I've always wanted to put them back in for you.)
• Taming Fate (The story of Eve and the oft-referenced Marquis DeLeon)
• Mortal Flesh and Homecoming (Two very short flash pieces, previously available only online on the blog.)

5) Also if you're wondering, in my head, that figure on the horse trying to outrace the storm that may or may not be representative of Thor's presence is definitely Ryam DeLeon. Which is 50% of the reason I *love* this cover for the collection, so much of which relates to the House of Lions, and also just the way in which Eve's mortal friends and family get so unwittingly entangled in the affairs of the gods, whether they want to be or not. (I'd argue that this applies to Adam, too, if not quite so exactly.)

Also, those of you in the PORTLAND, OREGON part of the country -- I'll be coming your way for the Historical Novel Society Conference, and on June 24th from 3:45 pm – 5:15 pm  there will be a book signing, FREE and OPEN to the public. I'll be attending as Amalia Carosella, but I'll be happy to sign anything Amalia Dillin that you happen to bring along, should you choose to visit! And I hope you will!

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The Evolution of a Secondary Character (Part II)

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To experience The Original Marcus Iteration -- Klikk Klikk for Part I! But if you haven't read Beyond Fate, BEWARE SPOILERS! ALL THE SPOILERS!

(Also blogfriends, 2008/9 me was just not as good of a writer, I apologize. Thank goodness for my editor and the rewrite that came after this draft!!!)

Marcus's second incarnation was a little bit more fleshed out -- if not much more sympathetic. He had graduated from background guy to jealous background guy, for the most part, so it wasn't much of a step up. But he definitely took up a lot more physical space in both Eve's life and the first third/half of the book as a whole, and that gave him a little bit more room for personality. Even if it was the kind of personality you wanted to roll you eyes at more than root for!

So in this installment, I've got three scenes for you -- Marcus's most significant, I think, in his second coming. Two with Eve, and one with Thor, and between them, they kind of map the majority of his arc. (I use the term "arc" loosely here, because mostly he's just jealous friend-zoned guy who then gets the girl because she settles, but ultimately he doesn't get to keep her, and we never really find out how he resolves any of that heartbreak.)

This scene from Draft One (as opposed to Source Material Draft Zero) ended up getting significantly reworked, but the gist of the conversation still made it into the final cut -- meet Marcus round two, in a very special performance of Jealous Shoe:

Marcus met her in the dining hall as she breezed through to pick up some fruit. All these lives later and strawberries were still her favorite thing to eat in the mornings. The first fruit she had ever tasted, in the cave, in the Garden, that first morning after she had been made.

They didn’t taste quite the same anymore. Were never the same if they weren’t found growing wild and fresh. But they were still strawberries.

“So who is this Thor guy?” Marcus asked, leaning against the counter next to her.

She recognized that he was trying to be casual, and wondered if it would be better, or worse, if she pointed out to him that he was failing. She shook her head and picked a dozen or so of the reddest, ripest berries from where they sat on top of a cooler, tossing them into a bag to eat during her class.

“He told you. We met overseas. We must have had the same plans, because we ended up at all the same spots. We traveled together for a little while.” And that was one way to describe their marriage, so long ago.

He frowned at her and picked up an apple, tossing it back and forth between his hands. “What do you mean you traveled together?”

“I mean we got on the same train, and shared cabs in Hong Kong.”

Was she being too specific? Maybe it didn’t matter. If Thor was half as talented as she was starting to think he was, he’d pick the details from Marcus’s mind the minute he started asking questions. For all she knew he was listening in on her right now. She paused in the act of dropping the last strawberry into her bag to listen to that part of her mind where she had felt him last night, but she had no real way of knowing if that meant he was listening or just open to her. She shook her head again, annoyed with herself and her preoccupation.

“Why?” she asked.

“He just seems awfully interested for someone you barely know, that’s all.”

She crossed to the beverage dispenser and Marcus followed. She was going to need coffee to get through today with only one hour of sleep. Especially for this first class. American history had never exactly thrilled her. Maybe because she had spent a good portion of it in a mental ward.

“I think he got to know me pretty well.”

“How well is pretty well?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” She watched her mug fill and tried not to be irritated by his jealousy. This would have been an easier conversation to have if she’d gotten enough sleep. “Well enough that we’re friends. That we’re planning on getting to know one another better.”

“He sounded like you had been more than friends, Anna.”

She felt her face flush, and pressed her lips together, concentrating a little bit too intently on getting the lid on her mug and trying not to remember when he had kissed her, two hundred years ago.

“Hey, I’ve gotta run to class. I’m going to be late.” She grabbed the mug and her berries and forced herself to smile. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Sure. Lunch?” he called after her.

She was far enough away that she thought she could get away with pretending she hadn’t heard. The last thing she wanted was to endure the second half of this conversation over a meal.

And of course it doesn't help the reader sympathize when our leading lady finds him kind of obnoxious. But I don't particularly blame Eve for that. Especially not in this draft. (If I recall correctly, my editor didn't really love Marcus at this point either.) The dynamics in this draft were a little bit different all around though (Fate Forgotten had a slightly different ending, too). Eve was still in love with Adam, waiting for him to find her again, and taking any excuse she could find to travel, looking for him. So not only was she not interested in what Marcus might have been offering, but Thor was an unwanted distraction as well -- bringing confusion to her otherwise well-ordered world.

Naturally Thor doesn't particularly care for Marcus either, as we see in this not particularly well-written scene, after Eve and Thor return from a trip to Asgard:

“Anna?”

Ah. The boy. Thor stroked her cheek, and wondered if kissing her would be too bold. It would get the point across to her friend though. Quite effectively.

She looked away. “Hi, Marc.”

 “What are you wearing?” Marcus asked, taking in her appearance, and the oversized cloak. Then Thor, belatedly. “Oh, it’s you.”

Thor resisted the urge to growl and straightened, dropping his hand from Eve’s face. He cleared his throat and nodded. He couldn’t bring himself to express any kind of joy at seeing Marcus again. It wasn’t that he had any malice for the boy, just that he didn’t understand how he could be so oblivious to Eve’s discomfort. To her disinterest. He almost frowned. Maybe he understood too well, after all. Knowing her, loving her, it was difficult to give up hope that she would return that love. But he hoped she did not see him as she saw Marcus, all the same.

Eve tugged the cloak into place again. “I was cold.”

“I couldn’t find you for lunch,” Marcus said.

“She was with me.” Thor smiled. “Sorry about that. We were just catching up.”

“Oh,” Marcus said again, glancing in his direction. He seemed to think better of glaring, and looked back at Eve. “Well, I’m about to go get some dinner, if you’re interested.” He didn’t look at Thor as he spoke, and it was clear that the invitation was for Eve alone.

“We were just thinking of going, too,” she said, raising her eyes to Thor. Please?

When Marcus glanced at him, he nodded. “I’m afraid I didn’t feed her this afternoon.”

“You got her to miss lunch?” Marcus sounded surprised. Then frowned. “You skipped lunch with this guy?”

She turned pink and dropped her eyes. “I’ve just got to run back up to my room quickly and grab something. Do you mind waiting?”

“Not at all,” Thor said. Truthfully he wasn’t sure he wanted to be left alone with Marcus, but he smiled at her anyway. Go ahead.

She didn’t wait for Marcus to agree before ducking into the building. He could see her as she sprinted up the stairs, narrowly managing to avoid tripping on the cloak.

Marcus was watching her too, and he shook his head. “What is that, a blanket?”

“Something like that. It was all I could find to keep her warm at the time.” He followed her aura as she slipped out of sight, moving up another staircase, slower now.

“Where were you guys?”

He looked away from the building and studied the boy. Marcus reminded him slightly of Garrit when he had been younger. Before he had met and married Eve. But he was fairer, with blue eyes, and lacked the character of the DeLeon line. And the maturity.

“I brought her home with me. To show her where I lived.”

“And you didn’t feed her?” But then the skin around his eyes tightened and his lips thinned.

Thor hid a smile by rubbing his face. Marcus had already jumped to his own conclusion about how they had spent the afternoon. And exactly how she had been distracted from her lunch.

Marcus sighed and looked back at the building, shaking his head again. “You’d just better treat her right, Thor. Whatever it is you think you’re doing. She deserves to be treated right.”

“Yes.” He was glad that they could agree at least on that point. Maybe Marcus wasn’t as ridiculous as he had thought. “She absolutely does.”

“Well, whatever. I’d threaten to beat you up if you don’t, but you’re kind of big, and I don’t think you’ll take me seriously. But I promise you, man, I will find a way to do you injury, even if I have to round up four other guys to make it happen. And you will regret it.”

Thor clapped him on the shoulder, perhaps a little bit harder than he needed to, because Marcus stumbled under the weight of it. He heard Marcus revise his estimate of four other men to six, mentally. Thor could respect him for making the threat, even if it would be suicide to carry out.

“If I have it my way, Marcus, you’ll never have to go through the trouble.”

Marcus frowned. “I’m not sure I like that any better.”

Eve came out then. Cloakless, and her hair pulled into an unruly pile on the top of her head. She looked lovely with curls. Even if they seemed to frustrate her. She blushed again when she saw him looking at her, and smiled at Marcus. “Are you ready?”

The boy shook his head. “You two go ahead. I actually think I should eat in my room and get a start on my reading. You know how it is. Skip one night and it all spirals out of control.”

“You’re sure?”

Thor almost laughed. For a moment she was just as anxious not to be alone with him as she had been about dinner alone with Marcus. Poor Marcus. She really didn’t know what she wanted, did she? Or maybe she just knew too well.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Go on. Have fun. But you owe me a lunch tomorrow, all right?”

“Lunch tomorrow. Absolutely.” She leaned up to kiss Marcus’s cheek, and then took Thor’s hand and started pulling him in the direction of the dining center. “Good night, Marc.”

Marcus touched his cheek where she had kissed him, almost absently. “Good night, Anna.”

Poor Marcus the Jealous Shoe. Even when he got more page time he still wasn't going to win any hearts. But in this draft of his (and Eve's) story, Thor still is forced to leave and Marcus is still sent by Elah to comfort Eve -- if less explicitly set to the task -- and ultimately, Eve and Marcus live together until Adam's arrival, which prompts Thor's return as well. Marcus is pretty peeved about that, too. But who can blame him? (It isn't really a good look for Eve, either.)

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on? What all of this is about? Your so-called brother? Thor showing up out of nowhere?”

She sat down at the table and served him a slice of pizza. “It’s a little bit complicated, Marc. All of this. And I’m not sure if I can explain it all.”

He was still staring at her. Watching her. And he hadn’t sat down. “When did you marry him?”

“The night before he left.” That much at least she didn’t have to lie about. “You have to understand that he didn’t want to go. He never would have left at all if he had known about Lars.”

“Lars.” Marcus pulled out a chair and dropped into it. “Of course. Lars is his son. That’s why you wouldn’t let me offer you a paternity contract.” His eyes didn’t seem focused on her anymore. “Did you know he was coming back? All this time?”

“No.” She reached for his hand, covering it on the table. “No, Marc. I swear I didn’t know. If I had thought it was at all possible, I never would’ve done this. I wouldn’t have ever put you in this position.”

“So, he wants Lars then? Is he moving into town?”

She bit her lip, and he blinked, then looked at her again. She didn’t want to say the words. Didn’t want to tell him he was going to lose them both. He must have seen something in her face though, because he pulled his hand free from hers.

“You’re still in love with him.” It wasn’t a question, but she felt his hope that she would deny it. “He means to have you both.”

“I want Lars to have his father,” she said slowly. Trying to find a way around rejecting him utterly. Trying to find a way to keep from hurting him as deeply. “To have a proper family. I think he deserves that opportunity. That chance.”

“What happens if he disappears again, Anna? For another four years? How can you think this is a good idea?”

“He won’t leave Lars.”

He stared at her in silence. Just stared. “So. That’s it?”

“I’m so sorry, Marcus.”

He looked away, his face empty. “I guess I’ll go stay with my parents for the weekend. You can do what you need to do.” He pushed his plate away and stood up. “I’m not hungry after all.”

But he stopped and looked back at her, and for the first time she saw his pain clearly in his face, in his eyes. Guilt tightened in a fist around her heart. But she hadn’t made Marcus any promises. And lying to him now – she couldn’t do it. Not to Lars. Not to herself. Adam had been so right, and she’d been denying it for so long, now, trying to force herself back into a life that no longer fit. She couldn’t live this way. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life, her lives, living a lie, pretending to be something she wasn’t.

“You know, I never would have thought this was the reason you didn’t want to get married,” he said. “I always figured you were just trying to spare me the responsibility. Never in a million years would I have thought it was so you could pick up and go whenever he showed back up again.”

It made her feel sick. That he would think her so disloyal. And it hadn’t been her motivation. Not then. She had wanted to love him, really love him. “Marc—”

“Don’t, Anna.” He shook his head again. “Don’t explain. I’ve heard enough.” He stared out the window for a moment, and she felt a shaft of his anger, his hurt, cut through her. The window which looked out on Lars, playing with his father.

Marcus left the kitchen, heading toward the front of the house.

So that's Marcus Mark II -- we've got one more round to go with some BEYOND FATE scenes to illustrate a little of his growth. But you can see for yourself that just giving a character more lines/screen time does not actually mean his characterization is improved. In this Draft, Marc is clearly still a one note wonder. (Sorry, buddy!) BUT. I was starting to definitely get more of a feel for the threads that tied things all together, as far as his relationship to Eve went. And I was still figuring out where to show instead of tell -- and how to show what I wanted to show, too. 

Part III

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Why DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND YEARS Matters so MUCH to Me.

If you've been with me on the blog for any length of time, you probably know how much I love Norse Mythology. So when my editor suggested they'd like to see something non-Bronze Age from me for my next contracted book, leaping into the Viking Age seemed like really the only logical choice. And when they asked me if I'd consider writing a dual narrative -- with two timelines -- I almost immediately knew what I wanted to use for connective tissue between the two time periods. I knew that if I was going to write about a pagan Freydis, that I absolutely 100000% was going to write about a Heathen woman in our contemporary world alongside her.

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And when I told other people that was what I wanted to do, how I wanted to weave these threads -- I don't actually know what I expected. But I didn't actually expect people (with the best of intentions!) to tell me I shouldn't do it. I didn't expect to be discouraged. I didn't expect to hear that writing an explicitly non-Christian protagonist in a contemporary setting could kill my book, would kill my book, because people might organize against it and pile on bad reviews. I didn't expect my family and friends to suggest I play it safer with maybe just an Atheist instead of a Heathen, if I *had* to include a non-Christian main character in the contemporary half of my book.

I didn't expect to find out that people in my life don't think there is room for a person who shares my faith to appear in a work of fiction. Not if I want it to sell. Not if I want to be successful.

Imagine that.* Take a minute and think about it. How would you feel if someone told you to write yourself and the people like you out of your story? That including yourself and people like you on the page would mean failure. Would mean people dumping 1-star reviews all over your release just because you were daring to write a book that reflected a different experience than their own. Imagine learning that people maybe don't think you deserve a place at the table at all. That in the complex tapestry of literature, there is no room for you. You're better off just being erased and replaced. You're better off erasing and replacing yourself, and maybe it'd be better for that character to believe in nothing at all rather than believe in your gods or share in your faith.

I wrote the book anyway. I wrote it and I poured myself into it, and all my fears, and all the opposition, and all the hurt. I wrote it and I kept writing it even before I knew I had my editor's complete approval. And I promise you, there were months of stress and anxiety and terror that I'd invested everything into a book that wouldn't be accepted, and at the end of it, I'd have to write something else instead or destroy the book to make it more "acceptable" to "the market."

But my editor loved it. She loved the book even before she knew I was Heathen, like Emma. Then she loved that it was personal -- that it FELT personal and real -- she didn't ask me to tone down my Heathenry. She didn't ask me to erase my faith or my SELF from the book. She just did everything she could to support me, to give DAUGHTER all the care and attention it deserved to put its best foot forward. And I can't tell you how grateful I am, how relieved, how thrilled that I'm able to offer this book to the world, to my fellow Heathens (who may still, naturally, find fault in my portrayal, because Heathenry is so variable.)

That doesn't mean I'm not still afraid.

I am still afraid that the other voices, the other people are right. That because I included myself and my explicitly non-Christian faith in this book, it will fail. I will fail. I am still terrified that there is no room for me to exist in our literary world. That maybe I would have been better off erased.

I hope I'm wrong.

I hope that you'll all prove me wrong. And every one of you who buys this book -- who loves it, or just likes it, or at the very least respects and supports it even if it isn't your personal cuppa -- you are my hero and my lifeline. You are beacons of light and warmth. You are everything good in this world, and the only thing I hope is that there are enough of you to make it clear to my editor, to my publisher, to the literary WORLD that there is always room for one more at the table -- that readers are not only willing, but eager to make that room.



*If you're a minority of any kind -- by creed or race or orientation or gender -- you probably don't have to imagine this scenario because I'm sure it's already been your life story. 

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