Tuesday, May 07, 2013

King Gauti is a Boss (Seven Viking Romances III)

I don't use that expression with any kind of frequency, but man, King Gauti, he is the definition. Frankly, I find him a hundred times more compelling than Gautrek, for whom this particular romance was named. Let me just give you a few highlights from the second of the Seven Viking Romances.

1) King Gauti hunted himself out of his clothes, chasing after a stag. That is how seriously he takes his business. He'd wounded it and lost his spear to it, and if he had to charge through the forest NAKED, he was getting it back. His clothes were getting in the way, because he was hunting that hard and  sweating up that much of a virile storm, so he just went ahead and stripped down to his skivvies and kept on going.

2) At some point around dusk, he realized oh hey, I'm kind of lost, but whatever, I'm King Gauti and a Boss. He followed the bark of a dog (still mostly naked, mind you) because he'd lost all his retainers and hunting party while he was so single-mindedly pursuing the aforementioned stag, and came upon a house in the woods. After watching a servant kill the dog  with an axe for barking and leading Gauti to the house, the king just Smiled to Himself. And when he realized he wasn't going to be invited in? It's cool, King Gauti the Boss just went ahead and shoved his way through said armed and clearly unstable servant and invited himself. 

3) Let me give you a some excerpt here because this is how King Gauti rolls: 
He realized that he wasn't at all suitably dressed for sleeping out; on the other hand he wasn't sure what sort of hospitality he would be offered if he waited for an invitation, so he walked up boldly to the door. The other man ran into the doorway with the idea of keeping him out, but the king forced his way past him into the house. In the living-room he saw four men and four women, but there was no word of welcome for King Gauti. So he sat himself down.
4) At this point, after barging his way unarmed and undressed into their home, and inviting himself to take a seat: 
When the king saw that he wasn't going to be invited to share the meal, he took a seat at the table next to the farmer, picked up some food, and settled down to eat.
5) King Gauti the Boss then proceeds to bed himself down in their house, uninvited, and when one of the farmer's daughters approaches him in the night, offering "a bit of hospitality" King Gauti's response? "Things are looking up." 

I'm not lying you guys. That is a direct quote from the book. 

6) After he milks her for all the information he can about her family, including but not limited to the story of the Family Cliff (used, of course, to take long walks in the face of famine or any kind of hardship, like a king showing up mostly naked and inviting himself to dinner, which is apparently the HARDEST of times, because the farmer's already decided he's going to go ahead and die the next day, taking his wife and his servant with him), Gauti goes ahead and knocks her up in the bossest of fashions, saying: 
"I can see that you're the most eloquent member of your family," said the king, "and you can rely on me. I take it you're still a virgin, so you'd better sleep with me tonight." 
Friends and Followers, I think King Gauti wins at life.

That Jerk, Arrow-Odd 

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