Set up: Mia and Jean hooked up at the wedding of Mia's sister to Jean's cousin, and in that controlled environment, they got along famously. Now, they are out in the real world of Paris, and it's a bit of a different story... I cut out the non-bickering middle. :)
[Excerpt removed]I'm still on hiatus until July 16, and my comments for this blogfest might be a little bit slow, but I'll get there! I hope you enjoyed Mia's bickering :) And also I hope my French isn't too terrible.
beautiful. full of tension and romance and more tension. a great scene.ReplyDelete
I wouldn't know true french; but this sounded great to me.ReplyDelete
What a cool scene - both of them. Nice set up to their conflicted relationship.
Hope you have a great vacation!
I was a bit confused over what Mia wanted. She liked Jean but didn't seem super interested. I wasn't even sure *he* was interested.ReplyDelete
I guess this girl stuff drives me crazy!
I like the way you're able to sustain the bickering without it getting out of hand, and to show the way the argument builds over time.ReplyDelete
Love romantic quarrels/bickering. Well, not in my own life, but I do like reading about them! Great entry! :)ReplyDelete
This entry was great! I loved Mia's attitude and how she wouldn't put up with Jean's crap. There needs to be more literary women like her... good job! Thanks for participating!!ReplyDelete
*HEH* SO glad I'm married. This is exactly why I'm thrilled to be out of the dating/flirting/party pool. You perfectly captured that awkward ickiness of first attraction gone south.ReplyDelete
This is seriously good writing. I can so relate! More importantly, it makes me wish I knew more about Mia and Jean, not to mention Nemi and Ethan. Just chock full of intrigue all in what is probably less than 500 words. So impressed!ReplyDelete
Delightful, as usual. Is this going to be a novel yet or are you still pretending it's just a long short story? ;-)ReplyDelete
This got much better as soon as I started pronouncing Jean as Jean and not Jean. lolReplyDelete
Thanks for sharing!
I loved this. Just enough tension to keep me intrigued. That sister Nemi is always right, eh? Jean is just your 'stereotypical Frenchie' huh? Plenty you could do with this..:)ReplyDelete
Ah jealously and bickering...always a great mix. I get the impression Mia is not so innocent, non? I really enjoyed your writing. Thanks for sharing with us ! ;)ReplyDelete
Great entry! I felt the tension between them. I am interested to see what what was cut out... the non bickering part.ReplyDelete
Wow, that was awesome! It sounded so real--I could easily imagine it taking place during the 1800s too! I love the sauveness of both of your characters--for Mia is just as smooth as Jean!ReplyDelete
Come by and read mine when you get the chance!! :)
I loved your entry! Classic boy/girl bickering that's for sure. Your French was pretty good, I think it is 'Voici, mon amie' - even though he's talking about a female, the French are against having a word end in a vowel and the next start with one. So many bloody rules au français!.ReplyDelete
But the scene was very well written, good characterization. My favorite part was `He had the grace to look embarrassed, at least, even if his response was stubborn.`Seems like a classic Frenchman!