Wednesday, August 18, 2010

First Kiss, Part Two

Remember when I talked about how I had been agonizing over Helen's first kiss? Well, as a form of procrastination, I am revisiting my agony again. Apparently Helen will stoop to anything to keep me from finishing her book! I'm back staring at the kiss-scene chapter again, instead of moving forward.

I went and dug through the first draft, written in third person, to find how I wrote her first kiss the first time, since all I seemed to be able to do THIS time was stare at the page while I wrote "His lips brushed mine," and then deleted it and replaced it with "He kissed me, soft and gentle," and then deleted that and rewrote "His lips brushed mine," again... and I think you know where this is going. Anyway, I wanted to share the first draft-- because I wish I could just lift it, switch the she's to I's, polish it up, and slap it into this book. Unfortunately it doesn't fit the narrative anymore though, so I'm still staring at my screen at a loss.

[excerpt removed]
Needless to say, rereading the original, I wonder how I managed to write it without agonizing. I don't remember having any problem slapping this down on the page at all, and it isn't half bad!

I must just be over-thinking it this time around. I don't know. Stupid kissing scenes. Or. It's entirely possible that my problem is that I'm writing in first person instead of third.

Does anyone else have problems writing certain kinds of scenes in first person, that are otherwise no trouble in third?


  1. First person has always given me fits. I might attempt it for Book #3, but it just feels awkward.

    BTW- I loved the orange taste detail- that's wonderful!

  2. I don't have that much trouble with it, except in this situation. In fact, now that I'm writing in it a little bit, I'm having a hard time slipping back out into third. haha.

    I will probably keep the citrus, somehow, if I can manage to write a kiss that doesn't sound dumb!

  3. The thing about first person, I think, is that you almost have to be an actor and get into character while you're writing. It's a little bit confessional, more emotionally direct, where with third person it's more voyeuristic and easier to be distant as a writer. If you don't like, say, talking about kissing people, then writing about it in the first person may be tough as well.

    There's also a bit less room to get purple and descriptive about it, since the person caught up in the moment may not reasonably be expected to wax loquacious. So you may be thinking that it sounds overly scripted in the first person. I don't know! Just speculating. But I can tell you that I don't think I've ever written any kissing scenes so there you have it. :-)

  4. I think you're completely right. Especially the overscripted part. That really describes exactly how I feel-- like it's unnatural. It does not help that I hate overly descriptive kissing to begin with, either...

    you should try it sometime. it's completely annoying! :)

  5. WHOA this is a good kissing scene. Um, wow.

    I think Valarie is so right, it's difficult to write the kiss from first person with lots of lovely descriptions.

    I struggle too. A LOT.

  6. Maybe there is a club for us-- First Person Kissing Scene Strugglers Anonymous or something?

    I'm glad you liked this one! I do too. I wish I could have used it. Life would have been so much simpler that way :P


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